Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category

Vera

Posted on: March 6th, 2009 by Mary Ann 8 Comments

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Vera

Vera stopped buying things in 1973. After the kids grew up, she felt no need to keep up with the times. Dated furnishings in sickly colors decorated her house, which hadn’t changed since her boys left. On this Wednesday night, just like any other, she removed her slippers at the bedside and gingerly eased her achy body beneath the crocheted bedspread, which she herself had made before the arthritis had petrified her hands. She thought of her sons, one in Colorado and one in Georgia. They called about twice a month. She wondered about them, about her granddaughter. Maybe tomorrow they would call. She thought of tomorrow. Sometimes on Thursdays she played bingo at the recreational center of her retirement community. Tomorrow, she thought, she would rather stay home. She had her crossword puzzles and her housework, and sometimes they played old movies on the television. She always felt out of place at bingo. She was shy, and often sat alone. Tomorrow she would stay home. And with that decision made, sleep closed her heavy, wrinkled eyes, took her in its arms, and gently swayed her into a dream.

Her old college classroom enveloped her, the one with the creaky wooden chairs and stained glass windows. Only three other people occupied the room. Beside her sat two of her old classmates, whose images maintained their actual old age, and on the other side of the room, alone, sat Vera, at age nineteen, youthful and pretty. The two classmates angled their bodies in towards each other and away from Vera, engrossed in conversation. She sat there silently, staring into the distance, with her hands clasped in her lap, alienated and uncomfortable. Across the room, the young Vera sat alone, just the same, quiet and shy. The class bell resounded throughout the building, and Vera awoke.

Regaining consciousness, she outstretched her frail arm, grasping for her husband’s hand. But she felt instead only the crisp, undisturbed sheets on the other side of the bed. She remembered that her husband had died three years ago. Nothing had changed. Only loneliness and isolation offered her their companionship. She sighed and curled up in herself, and tried to find sleep again, but even sleep deserted her now. Tomorrow she would stay home.

Reinventing Me

Posted on: March 5th, 2009 by Mary Ann 6 Comments

Dixie

I grew up in Saltville, Virginia, a tiny Appalachian valley town.  As a mining hub specializing in coal and sheet rock,  it wasn’t the thriving metropolis you might expect.  But I was determined to live a dignified, elite lifestyle regardless of my locale.

We lived in an old brick farmhouse, which really was a gem, on about forty rolling acres of Apalachain foothills.  I liked to pretend that my family was royalty, not in the usual manner of imagining, but rather in the sense that I wanted everyone in town to believe we were royalty.  I would rifle through my mom’s lingere drawer and pick out my favorite princess frock, an emerald green silk neglige, and pick out something similar for my mom, who for some unexplainable reason refused to indulge me.  All I wanted was to hang triangular construction paper flags from the turrets of our antebellum farmstead and frolic around in the front yard with my mother, both of us donning her fanciest lingere.  If passers-by could just see the flags, see our outfits, they would have to believe we were royal.

My mom was a school teacher and my dad was a preacher, so you can imagine how classy our life really was.  One afternoon, a parent of one of the kids I knew from school came to see my mom on some sort of school business.  I came to the door where they were talking and said, in my primmest, most proper voice, “Excuse me, Mother, shall I dress for dinner now?”  Surely the boy’s mom would return home telling of the lavish, sophisticated life we lived, dressing for dinner.

These are just a few examples of what I wanted the residents of Saltville to believe about me.  I was really into horses, and when I was eight I started going to an upscale summer camp with an excellent riding program.  The other campers’ lifestyles seemed to be significantly more luxurious than mine.  No need to admit that I came from a coal mining town, though–they didn’t know me–I would make up my own story as I went.

From my bunk, I kept my cabin-mates on the edges of their seats with my elaborate descriptions of my fancy mansion and, for added awe-inspiring effect, its clap-controlled lights.

At the barn, though, that’s where I really pulled out all the stops.  I told them of the hours I spent on my endless acres of upscale horse farm, which really meant that I occasionally spent the afternoon sanding rust off of my friend’s ragged-ass livestock trailer or raking the cockle burrs  from my twenty-year-old nag’s ratty tail.    I told them about Dixie, the three time English Pleasure champion Arabian mare my parents bought from some Sheik in Arabia itself.  This really meant, of course, that I had a pretty little bay Arabian we bought for fifteen hundred dollars; her owners had no use for her because she was no good at barrel racing or pole bending.  And her three championships?  That was the Beginners in English Pleasure class we entered at the Rich Valley Fair, our only opponent some incompetent child flailing about on top of an arthritic pinto pony.  I showed them the pictures of us winning, in my dignified tweed English Pleasure habit.  What they couldn’t see in the photo were the Justin roper boots with the fringe on the toes under my classy polyester pants, the essential footwear of Saltville’s redneck equine sector.

I had these people in the palm of my hand.  Daily they begged  for  more anecdotes from my decadent home life, and I rattled off lie after lie of the life I had created.

After three weeks I was home again, throwing a Western saddle over my three-time English Pleasure champion’s back, and riding through deserted tobacco fields, counting down the days until next summer, when I could reinvent myself again.  I returned nearly each summer for thirteen years, recreating my life a little, tweaking the details, until I finally felt confident in exactly who I was.

Pelican

Posted on: March 3rd, 2009 by Mary Ann 7 Comments

Pelican

I am a creature of splendor.  Observe my broad, able breast, the swelling seat of my pride.  Behold my dagger-like beak, brilliantly painted with bold, confident strokes of the universe:  sky blue air, dazzling green earth, white water, daring, stunning, orange fire.  Perceive my determined eyes, unflinching, crystal.  See how the sun exalts me, crowns me in golden grandeur.   Regard my regal neck, elegantly poised, serpentining, pure, unaffected, perfect white.   Consider my feathers, intricate, countless, distinctly separate, flawlessly engineered.   Notice the power of my wings, self-restrained, tucked into themselves.  Survey my steady feet, gripping the edge of this rock, molded to its exact shape specifications, steady, unshaken.

Behold me, the pelican, the great paradox of nature.  I am free and I am trapped.  I am commander and subservient.  I am the universe’s, and the universe is mine.  I go as I please, following the wind, traveling the world, independent, unfettered.  Tomorrow I may master the natural world.  I may soar, my mighty wings extended, gliding through the atmosphere, mounting the strongest currents, my feathers ruffled by the wind.  I may dive into the depths of the underwater world and conquer a fish for my nourishment.  Just as likely, tomorrow I myself may be conquered, swallowed whole by some fearsome predator, and if that is so, all is well, for I am the universe’s, and the universe is mine.

Regardless of tomorrow, today I will rest for a while on this borrowed rock, the liquid crystal water crashing gently around me, glistening, bathed in sunlight, basking, reveling.  Today, this is my place in the universe.